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Monday, June 20, 2016

Ways They Can Make Assassin's Creed Awesome Again

As E3 has rolled around and left once more I did my best to not notice the cool new games coming out that I can't afford or the games coming out on systems I don't have and certainly can't afford. In my spare time I picked up Assassin's Creed Unity knowing full well how bad people said it was. Why? Well at heart I'm a masochist when it comes to games (I bought the same terrible, terrible game three times and each time I said, "It couldn't have been that bad!") and I saw it on sale for eight bucks. Cheap and stupid!
I kid really. Personally I wanted to see what the problems were about it. I've been a fan of the series ever since it came out though my love died out a little when Revelations came out. Yes I know Brotherhood was one of the best games in the series but did we really need to see Ezio again? But while Revelations was just... kind of boring in a way with some redeeming qualities, I can see why Unity was so poorly received X amount of time since it was released (I'm not going to spend the energy looking up when). I picked up Syndicate a while ago and was happily surprised to see it was actually pretty good. The two main characters were both cool in their own ways while not being faultless, the scope was grand enough, there was plenty to do and the toys. Oh the toys! Seriously, I need a grappling hook in every AC game from now on. So, while I wait until my next paycheck to see if I can finally buy a new game at all I thought, why not make a list?

1. Grappling Hook (I was not joking)
"But part of the fun of these games is the climbing!" No! No one likes the climbing! Well... okay maybe a little. But I don't want to climb all the time. Its a simple addition and it really works... sometimes. And who doesn't want to feel like Batman. Throw down a smoke bomb and then zip away. This addition, while simple, changes up the game in a nice way. I suggest adding the ability to freely control it like aiming it like a gun and having some uses in combat like the rope line did in AC 3. I would definitely pick that game up again just to hang some British red coats from trees just to frighten a guy. So awesome!

2. Alright, enough Europe
I say this not as an American but also as a tired gamer. I would list off how many games in the series go to some place in Europe but it'd be easier if I just counted the ones that don't take place there on my finger. Seriously, I know its a big place and most of the stuff in the world happened there but I don't need to see anymore. If you really feel the need to stay there, go to a time period extremely early. Or...

3. The World Wars
Yes it was bound to happen. In Syndicate, you can actually visit the World War 2 time period through a descendant of the Frye twins. While brief, it really shows how awesome the concept could be. WW2 is a bit... controversial, but the first war could actually work. Not a lot of people know it off their head so it would make for an interesting setting. Unity also had a World War type segment but Unity is annoying so I'm not counting it. Side note: yes this game needs more guns. I know that would kind of ruin the pacing when it comes to automatic guns but honestly guns are a cool idea to keep up with. Especially if we get to play as an Assassin who is also a sniper. YES. Maybe... maybe even some cars? Hm? Maybe a tank?

4. The Assassins need to be assholes and the Templar can be good
A glaring plot hole in the series is how Abstergo, the Templar front, shows the Assassins as being these altruistic bad asses who are also super handsome and get all the ladies while their Templar counterparts are weedy creepy weirdos who eat babies and kick puppies. If you want to be seen as the good guys then show us some stupid Assassins and awesome Templars. It makes even less sense now that Desmond is dead and we've got faceless protagonist living out these memories. They're making it like a VR game to show to the public like some type of game. Alright, ya the Templars are trying to rule the world, but its a whole lot easier if you make your one enemy look like a bunch of tools. Barring that, why can't we have an idealistic and noble Templar? "If the world is to be saved, great men and women must rule it!" See?

5. We need more present day
This may be just me but come on, I need more story! The games have been set in the present day... but we focus about 90% on the past. Ya, I get that we're looking for clues in the past so we can find them in the future but my biggest problem with the titles is that they're very linear. If you've played the game once you've played it enough. There's no choice whatsoever under the guise "Well that didn't happen in the past." Ya. And you keep telling me this ancestor didn't kill civilians. I get it, but that doesn't change the fact that I am doing it now! Look we've all done it. Anyone who's played a Grand Theft Auto game has gone on an insane rampage only to be gunned down by the police or killed via gravity and every single person who's played AC has gone on a melee rampage on those annoying ass civilians. Now, I'm not saying that would be the whole game. Of course your assassin buddies wouldn't be super open to you killing randos left and right but I mean choice like as in killing an enemy or letting them live. Does this Templar agent really need to die? Or perhaps I see the villain early on and I kill them and the game has to play around that. That would be awesome! Is this main villain dead? Or was it a robot? So many possibilities!
As a side note, I want my own assassin character. This new present day assassin would resemble me and I would control them as they rise in the order. Killing Templar agents, buying new gear, actively shaping the future. I NEED THIS.

Come on! The one place where THE MOST FAMOUS group of REAL ASSASSINS and you choose NOT to go there? WHY?! I'm not saying every ninja NEEDS to be a member of the order. Maybe the order was trying to fight against some samurai the Templars were working with and the ninja rose from that. They helped the disenfranchised farmers pick up their tools and use guerrilla warfare to quell a rising threat. And I'm not making this up! Most of it anyway... The ninja were farmers and the lower class put down upon by their samurai masters as they stood above them on the scale of class. While not being stupid pompous weak noblemen of Europe, they were trained warriors skilled in the art of killing. Knowing this they took up their farming tools and made makeshift weapons and items that allowed them to kill silently like they were ghosts. They even developed their own poisons and smoke powders to convince people into believing they had magical powers. They built their own villages filled with ninja operatives who would go and carry out spy and assassination missions. They were contracted killers and dO YOU SEE WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS???
I feel like Ubisoft is just screwing with me at this point. China. China gets it before Japan does. I'm not saying China isn't great but... I swear if they make Assassin's Creed: Korea next I will literally never play another game in the series. So much potential!

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